Records are there to be beaten......or flushed away.

I don’t like to bring up bad toilet habits too often because it should only be reserved for special occasions. Last night’s flight from Schiphol to Dubai was such an occasion.

For whatever reason, sometimes I’ve been forced to flush a toilet twice but on only two occasions I’ve had to do “The Triple”. Usually this has involved a monster kebab session or a tummy bug I’ve picked up in India. That said, I’ve never beaten “The Triple”. You just can’t justify flushing more than that. But (no pun intended) oh no, a dumpy Arabic looking lady on my flight smashed my record with ease.

 My seat was very close to the forward toilets so I hear the vacuum flushing toilet every time it was used. This “champion” amongst women, and men come to think of it, flushed an incredible seventeen times! That’s right, seventeen! That is like winning the Tour de France and showing off by doing a lap of honour!

Upon hearing the third flush I'm thinking, "aye aye, we have a fellow champion here." On about the fifth flush I was sitting there stunned, like a rabbit in car headlights. On the seventh flush I was getting worried so I called for an air stewardess. She arrived at about the tenth flush. I informed her that the lady in the toilets was flushing a lot and it was not normal. We both waited until the seventeenth flush when the air hostess turned to me and asked, “What do you think she is doing in there?”

Without thinking she would be startled and begin banging hard on the door, whilst shouting loudly to the occupant within, I simply replied “I think she is trying to get off the plane.”

As the banging and shouting stopped, a very embarrassed lady stepped out of the toilets looking grey and (for want of a better word) a bit flushed. Taking her walk of shame, all the other passengers were trying to look away from her but not me. I had to acknowledge her achievement with two big thumbs up and a nodding wink.