Technology and the aging process.

Last week I was in Oslo at an exhibition. All day every day I was on the company stand trying to sell our products. Then every night I had to be out entertaining customers until the wee hours. Needless to say, I returned home on the Friday evening exhausted . It was then I discovered that workmen digging around my house had excavated their way through both my main water pipe and telecoms line.
Frustrated, I began the process of trying to get everything repaired. At times like this it is important to focus on what really matters. With a wife, the neighbours and their children all without water and internet, the clock was ticking, and with the onset of hotter weather, the situation was very urgent indeed! I had some difficult choices to make. 

So, first things first, I managed to get a wireless 4G internet connection on the Saturday, which eased my stress and pain considerably. Of course by this stage we were all very dehydrated but you have to get your priorities straight at times like these. You can live without water for a couple of days in a temperate climate but, in these modern times, you can’t live without internet for more than a few hours.
I was informed on the Monday morning that my telephone and internet connection would be repaired Tuesday morning. Too late for me because I was leaving for Dubai early Tuesday morning. Just to complicate things even more, on Monday, my company informed me I had to change my mobile phone sim card to another telecoms company. It took some hours to unlock my phone to accept the new sim card but after making a few calls on the new subscription, I left to go home and pack for Dubai. When I got home, the water pipe was now repaired and water was restored to the house. Luckily, before any of the children went into a coma.....things were starting to look up at last. Not for long though. After dinner I noticed that my mobile phone was displaying “Emergency calls only”. Apparently, calling the emergency services about restricted use of your mobile phone is not an “emergency”. Bloody was to me! I now had no working home or mobile telephone and I am leaving early in the morning for an eleven day business trip to Dubai.

Thinking quickly I sent emails to work colleagues and telephone companies begging them to fix my subscription/sim card/sanity. I waited all that evening but........no responses came back to me.
After a sleepless night I went early to the airport. Logged onto the internet there and ..........still no replies. I took the first flight to Amsterdam and during the 30 minute wait for my connecting flight I logged on again......still no responses. Looking like Gollum’s ugly brother, the stress was beginning to show as I boarded the next flight on my journey.
I arrived in Dubai and checked into my hotel. Now it was the early hours of the morning by the time I logged onto the internet again.........still no emails.
After another sleepless night I went to my first meeting which, luckily, had not been delayed or cancelled. At lunch time I was able to log on again and there was a message from our company secretary telling me to start my phone again and it should be fixed. IT WORKED!!! Overjoyed I rang the telephone company to thank whomever had fixed the problem. The response I got put my Tourette’s therapy back by six years...”Oh, you should have just called us”.
I now have a stutter and flash photography makes me urinate.
To all you telecoms companies I say “sh sh sh shitheads!