Whatever goes up must come down!
I should have known better. I should have known a lot better! Having been an engineer working on aeroplanes for twelve years………I should have known better.
On a recent trip to Vancouver I had the pleasure of taking a seaplane to Victoria from Vancouver….and back again. To get to Victoria you either take ferries and taxis or you fly. It was a twenty five minute flight or hours and hours by ferry and car. Last year I took the same flights but during the summer on a perfect sunny day with no wind. Now it is the end of March and it is low cloud, poor visibility, rain and stormy winds. I ignored all the alarm bells ringing in my head that this would be a mistake because I had an important meeting to attend in Victoria.
The pilot warned us before take of that it could be bumpy and it might take longer because of strong headwinds. Turns out the visibility was so bad we had to fly from small island to small island and not direct to Victoria. Our pilot also stayed very low to the sea and flew low over any vessel he could see. We were losing visibility and a ship in the water helped the pilot keep a visual reference. It was a little bit of a bumpy ride but not too bad. It took an hour to reach Victoria. Luckily, I had allowed for any delays.
The meeting went very well and I hoped I could catch an earlier flight back to Vancouver. As I arrived at the harbour to check in I was told that flights were being cancelled or delayed because the weather was getting worse. Despite the alarm bells ringing even louder in my head, like an idiot, I agreed to catch the only flight being allowed to leave because it had two engines. Even Quasimodo was screaming in my head not to take the flight but I just wanted to get back to Vancouver.
These little planes do not seat many people and I don’t know how many of us got on but there was maybe twelve or so plus the pilot. Inside the harbour it was very calm and the short ride out to the take-off area gave us no indication of the monster weather that awaited us. As we began our take off the buffeting began immediately. Not a smooth take off, we bounced a couple of times. The man next to me shut his eyes tight and held onto the seat in front. The pilot did his best to gain altitude but mother nature was making it very difficult. We were climbing, diving and being tossed sideways. It was as if some large invisible baby had grabbed hold of our little plane and was waving it frantically around and giggling.
As the roller coaster ride from Hell continued I was scrambling, like everyone else on the plane to grab a sick bag…….just in case. Except for the guy next to me…….he was eyes shut and praying. After about twenty minutes of violent climbing and diving I was getting very nauseous and feeling very sick. The saliva was starting to gather in my mouth, which is not a good sign. It was not helped by the smell in the cabin. A mixture of exhaust fumes and farts. I have to admit I was contributing to the odours and I swear on two particularly nasty descents, no, “plummets” would be a better description, I touched cloth. If lightning had flashed outside our little plane I would have lost all control of my bowels and shit myself. What I am not particularly proud of was my behaviour during what was the last major drop in altitude. Up until this point I was too busy trying to keep the contents of my stomach within my stomach. However, on this occasion, as we dropped rapidly, through very clenched teeth, out came spittle and the words “WE’RE GONNA DIE!” I can confirm that fear is indeed infectious. Everyone screamed, except the man beside me. His eyes were no longer shut, no, they were wide wide wide open now and staring at me. There was more wailing during that descent than you see at a North Korean Leader’s funeral.
Turns out the pilot was just going in for a landing. He could have told us! The landing was perfect and smooth in sheltered waters. The relief on everyone in the back was palpable. Even though my pulse was returning to normal I couldn’t get rid of the feeling of nausea, even for hours later. I couldn’t hang around to thank the pilot for getting us there safely, nope, I had underwear to change and my dignity to find.
