Trousers are the enemy!

It turns out that we humans have been wearing trousers for thousands of years. I checked. We are not born with them on, so who thought it would be a great idea to put our legs into sleeves of material and sew it all together? Why did men stop wearing skirts? Sooooooo much more practical…..when drinking alcohol.

Whomever invented trousers did not drink rum or any other type of alcohol for that matter. This I know for sure. I have the evidence.

During one of our Rum Club meetings, I became somewhat intoxicated. Not unusual really, we were drinking rum after all. What was slightly unusual was that I was probably the most hammered on this occasion. Others, and you know who you are, are usually a lot worse than me. Confidentiality is sacred to members of the Rum Club so I cannot mention names……….especially Mark’s!

Anyway, I fell asleep on the hard wooden floors in our dining room. I awoke at about four O’clock in the morning and thought I should go to bed. As I opened the bedroom door I saw my wife fast asleep. Knowing how clumsy I can be, I thought I should go to the bathroom to undress, so as not to disturb her. Once naked, I would return to our bedroom and slide gently into bed.

If only that was what happened. When I got to the bathroom I also felt the need to pee. It all became very confusing….. fast. Should I pee first or get undressed first? Choices choices choices. Logic dictated that I pee after I had undressed.

So I began to undress. I started with my jeans. Undid the belt, the waist button and zipper, pulled them down to my knees and lifted my right leg out. Only my right leg didn’t make it all the way out of the jeans. Now I’m drunk and trying to balance on one leg whilst holding my trousers down. I panicked. For some reason, only drunk people will understand, I thought hopping would help. It did not. Unfortunately, I gained some sideways momentum whilst hopping and I fell straight through the shower cabinet. The sidewall crashed down, the shampoo and soap bottles flew everywhere. I know my parents would both be proud of me because at no point during the fall, not even when my face bounced off things, did I ever let go of my trousers! Just as I was thinking this couldn’t get any worse……….the peeing started.

New rule for the Rum Club; Kilts only!