It is all about faith........

When you are short of stories and nothing is happening that you can write about, you become worried that all the fun stuff is happening to others. 

Coincidence? I was thinking about WinnieLeaks today and wondering what to write about when the door bell chimed. 

As I opened the door, there in front of me, in the freezing weather were two ladies from Jehovah's Witnesses. "It's a miracle!" I thought to myself. This was my lucky day because I have never had a visit from Jehovah's Witnesses or the Mormons. I love debating religion and all my friends avoid the subject around me because I just love pointing out all the mistakes and flaws in religions.......and......best of all......I can do it for hours.

So, one lady asked me if I wanted to hear about their god. "I do, I do!" I replied excitedly. I let her drone on and on and on for about ten seconds and then I couldn't contain myself. I asked them if they believed in the Bible. They said they did, every word of it.

"Is it all true?" I asked. 

"It is, it is!" they replied eagerly.

"So, it's OK to sell your daughter into slavery then?" I asked. They looked at each other and I could see the eagerness draining from them. "Seriously, is it OK to sell your daughter into slavery?" I asked again. 

"Where does it say that?" One of them asked.

"In the Old Testament, in between genocide, rape and misogyny." I said with an ever so polite expression on my face.

"Oh, you look cold. We should come back another time" One of them pointed out.

"No, no, no. I'm fat. I can stand here for hours without getting cold. Besides, we haven't even started on why any god would allow nine million children, before the age of five, to die horribly, every year, of diseases which the god has created. Why is that?" I asked.

"Are you sure you're not cold? You only have a t-shirt on and it's freezing. We really would be happy to come back any other time." the other one said, agreeing with her fellow Witness.

"All good here, don't worry about me. So, about those children?" I asked again.

"Well," one of them began nervously, "God has his plan. He does everything for a reason. You have to look at the big picture."

"That is a terribly big picture with nine million dead children in it. What kind of grand plan involves killing so many children every year? What have they ever done? Unless shitting your nappy is a sin. In which case I sinned a lot when I was little.........and last Friday.....but only a little. More of an accident really." I said.

"Well.......the day of judgement is coming and God will reveal his plan to us then" I was informed.

"What day is that then? I'm kind of busy until the New Year. Saturdays are no good for me either because I usually have a hangover" I answered.

"We don't know which day it will be but he will sends us warning signs of earthquakes, floods, famine and chaos. Do you know what chaos is?" She asked.

"Chaos? Do I know what chaos is? Have you seen the inside of my house during a Rum Club meeting?" I replied to very confused faces.

Amongst some of the other topics we discussed, I managed to get them to agree that they were also atheists when it came to the other 2499 other religions claiming their's was the one true god. We discussed the god-of-the-gaps argument too, after one of them foolishly blundered naively into the narrative about god and science. I could see instantly that she regretted trying to bring nature and the laws of physics into the argument with an engineering nutcase like me. Since these two lovely ladies were beginning to freeze themselves, I thought perhaps I should let them go but I just couldn't. This is what I had been hoping for.....for weeks.

"So you don't believe all this universe and nature has not been designed by a higher power?" One of them asked......as the other one was rolling her eyes and trying to get down the stairs.

"Oh, you mean the intelligent design argument?" I asked.

She nodded excitedly and said, "Exactly! Only god could have made all this wonder with such perfection."

"Wonder? Perfection? Intelligent? REALLY???" I asked, but before she could reply I continued. "How can it even be considered anything like intelligent when your god, as you claim, put us on a planet which is about eighty percent uninhabitable. It is either too cold, too hot or just too deep in water for us to live on most of this planet. It is plagued with earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, floods, droughts and some very nasty bugs. What did he do? Drop it when he was making it?" I began.

The lady half way down the stairs was already making a run for it and the other one just stood there shivering. Noticing her friend was gone she turned and shuffled away as quickly as possible shouting, "It is all on our website!"

"Come back, we are not finished." I shouted after them. "We haven't even covered the bit about the talking snake yet!"

But all I got was a wave, no smiles, just a wave..... The waving stopped when I asked, "Are we still friends?"

To be fair, I had kept them with me for an hour and a half. I doubt very much if they will be back. They probably got back to missionary control and put a big large X next to our address.

I guess miracles really do happen.