Be careful what you wish for.......
Due to the cheapness of the flights a colleague and I went to Houston, Texas a day earlier than we needed to, which meant we had a spare day, a Sunday, to kill.
I’ve already visited museums and touristy places before so this time I thought I would do something different. We agreed we would go to the cinema and watch the new film Deepwater Horizon. Before that, I noticed there was a large shopping mall close to our hotel so I thought I would explore a Walmart and see if the “Freaks” of America really do visit there. A kind of urban safari, if you like. I dressed accordingly, so as to blend in.
I wore a stained T-shirt, my pyjama bottoms, no socks, just bare feet and flip flops. I reached the mall and went in search of a Walmart. There was no Walmart but there was a large Target store. I was hoping that the same level of clientele visited Target as they do Walmart. They don’t. Turns out, the worst dressed person in the whole store, and it was massive, was me. Disappointed, I left and joined my colleague at the cinema.
The film was good but the hot dog and bladder buster sized cherry ice drink were awful. Since Deepwater Horizon was a good film, we considered staying on to watch the new Magnificent Seven film as well. Before making any decision, I wanted to visit the toilets to get rid of the cherry ice chemical preservative enriched liquidI had just guzzled down during the film.
As I stood at the urinal in my shabby clothes, he came in. A genuine fashion challenged oddity. He made me look over dressed. Success! A freak! They did exist! For reasons alien to me, he opted for the urinal right next to me. Not any of the seven or eight other spare ones along the wall, nope, the one right next to me. I heard his zipper open, he placed a hand on the wall in front, leaned forward, grunted and began pissing like a race horse. How can anyone piss that loudly? Anyway, I was finished and was going through the shake and dry procedure when, horror of horrors, I noticed my bare feet were getting lightly rained on. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Walmart man was getting splash back as he relieved himself and the warm speckles were falling on my feet. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I don’t think I was even finished with my own “drying” ritual as I hastily hurried away. I didn’t care.
As I rushed out of the toilets my colleague, waiting outside, asked, “Do you want to watch the Magnificent Seven film?”
“No!” Was my very short response as I headed as fast as I could back to the hotel to shower and burn my flip flops.
